


Your Mess Is Mine

by dolly_dagger87



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 04:01:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4904722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dolly_dagger87/pseuds/dolly_dagger87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s pushing thirty and Floyd Talbert’s life is a mess. He’s just gotten out of rehab. He has no job. He’s burned down most of the bridges he had with his friends and severely damaged the one with his family. What he does have his sobriety and a place to live with his best friend, Charles Grant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, as always to my lovely beta gilove2dance. This work was hard fought and she never left my side.

Floyd Talbert squinted against the sun as he walked down the stairs of the clinic towards a dark blue Ford Focus. Leaning against the side of the car was the man that he’d sold the car to, his best friend, Charles Grant. Tab smiled at the sight of Chuck leaning there in jeans, a white t-shirt, and his aviators. It was nice to know that while he’d been inside some things hadn’t changed. When his friend noticed him, he smiled and moved to open the trunk for the duffel that Tab had slung over his shoulder. He tossed the duffel in before he turned to Chuck for a hug. Chuck’s grip was tight and firm and when they pulled away, Chuck patted him on the back.

“You look good,” Chuck said. He was smiling and it’d been way too long since Tab had given him anything to smile about.

“Well, it was impossible for me to look worse than when you dropped me off,” Tab said  
absently, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Don’t do that,” Chuck said. “I meant it. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks for that,” Tab said as he turned to walk back to the passenger door. “You’re kind of the only one.”

“Joe would have been here…” Chuck started, but Tab fixed him with a look and Grant didn’t finish the sentence. “Stubborn fuckers,” Chuck muttered as he got in the car.

“In my defense,” Tab replied. “I did call him. You know, for all that people I’ve wronged bullshit. It’s not my fault he likes to hold onto shit.”

Chuck shook his head as he put the car in drive and pulled out of the circle driveway.

“Sorry Chuck, but it looks like you can be his friend and you can be my friend. But you aren’t going to be able to do those things in the same room.”

Chuck sighed.

“I understand if you want take his side in public,” Tab deliberately looked out the window as he spoke so he wouldn’t end up over analyzing Chuck’s expression later.

“Stubborn sons of bitches,” Chuck mumbled. 

Tab shrugged. That shouldn’t be news. “What about my mother? You have an excuse for her too?” Tab asked, popping open the glove box to look for a spare pair of sunglasses.

Chuck opened the center console and handed Tab his sunglasses.

“Aww, you’re so thoughtful.” Tab took the case and opened it.

Chuck smiled. “Your mother did tell me to send you her love.”

“Ahh,” Tab nodded. “It’s always interesting to see how that love will manifest. I see this time she was so deeply moved that she placed a phone call to you.”

Chuck shook his head and made an obvious subject change. “Where do you want to go? First day of freedom. What have you missed the most?”

Vodka was the first thing that come to mind and it would be a while before he stopped thinking like that. Maybe he’ll never stop thinking like that, but he knew he shouldn’t and that was progress of a kind. “Red meat,” he replied because it was true. “I’d like a bloody steak, a potato, and a dinner roll as big as my fist. And that potato better be the closest thing that I see to a vegetable. If I have to choke down another salad, I’m going to walk into oncoming traffic.”

There was a snort of laughter from the driver’s seat and that spurred Tab on. “I gave up booze, one would think that’s enough but no, our bodies are temples. The next person that mentions internal harmony is getting punched in the face.”

“And here I thought you’d come out of there a reformed, bible tooting hippy,” Chuck said, but his smile said that he never really thought there was a chance.

“I’m pretty sure sobriety is enough of a lifestyle change for a thirty day period.” Tab leaned back in his chair.

“I thought God was part of the steps,” Chuck asked, eyes still glued to the road in front of him.

“Admitting there is a power greater than yourself is,” Tab’s turned his head to the side so he could look at Chuck. “Nobody said I had to pray to it and give it a name. Or maybe they did. I mostly just started trying to remember the words to rock songs when they got really Christ-y.”

“I’m sure your sponsor is thrilled,” Chuck replied dryly. “You did get one of those, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I have a sponsor and I have to go to meetings. Sobriety comes with a very busy social calendar,” Tab replied.

“Are you taking this seriously?” Chuck asked. “Because it feels like you aren’t.”

“When have I ever taken anything seriously?” Tab asked, and he could practically feel Chuck roll his eyes.

“Look.” Tab ran his hands through his hair. He needed a haircut and maybe a new barber judging by the cold shoulder he’s getting from his old one. “I’m taking this seriously and I know I’ve cashed in all my second chances. But I just want,” Tab paused looking down at his clenched fists resting in his lap. “I need us to be like we were before. I don’t need you worried about me and following me around like I’m going to shatter into a thousand pieces. I need you to be my friend. I don’t need you to be my mother.”

Chuck racked his bottom lip over his teeth. “I worried about you before.”

“My sobriety is my responsibility, not yours.” That was one of the few things Tab had paid attention to.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t help,” Chuck replied.

“You already are,” Tab said seriously before he grinned at Chuck. “Think of all the money I’m saving on cab fare.” 

Chuck shook his head, but Tab could see the smile that pulled at the corner of Chuck’s mouth. “Well, you aren’t doing it alone; just so you know.”

Tab nodded as he sat there and watched Chuck drive back into the city, grateful, not for the first time, that he’d ended up with Charles Grant as a best friend.


	2. Chapter Two

Charles Grant slammed the refrigerator closed and leaned his head against the cool metal surface. There wasn’t any liquor in his fridge and he scolded himself for thinking that there would be. But he was just so angry and getting bombed had sounded like such a good idea.

“Loose something?” Tab’s voice rang out in the dark, empty apartment.

“Jesus,” Grant jumped, and turned around so see Tab sitting at the kitchen table bathed in the light from his laptop.

“Long night,” Grant said, shaking his head and rubbing absently at the back of his neck.

“And there’s no booze,” Tab said with a shrug.

“I didn’t...” Grant started, but he trailed off because he wasn’t going to start lying to Tab.

“You were very thorough. You even found the bottle of Jack that I had stashed in the vent in the bathroom,” Tab said, returning his attention to whatever he was typing.

“You didn’t...” Grant waved off again because he wasn’t going to cap off his evening by accusing Tab of drinking.

“Start drinking again?” Tab asked. “Thought about it, called my sponsor, and gold star for me.” Tab said this dryly and without humor and that made something inside Grant twist. “But enough about me,” Tab said. “And I mean that because between editing my resume and calling my sponsor, I’m so sick of myself I could vomit. So what about you, darling? What’s got you on a warpath?”

“You remember that asshole I was dating?” Grant asked as he opened the freezer and made a triumphant noise when he found a carton of ice cream.

“I remember he wasn’t an asshole when you left for dinner,” Tab said, still clicking away at the keys.

“Well, he was also my boyfriend when I left for dinner, so things change.” Grant tossed the lid to the carton of ice cream on to the table. The force he did this with caused it to slide into the center of the table. Grant held the carton of ice cream in Tab’s direction, but Tab waved him off.

“I’m little worried I’ll replace booze with sugar and gain fifty pounds,” Tab replied.

Grant shrugged and sat down at the table.

“So what’s the trouble in paradise?” Tab asked, pushing his computer away from him so he could give Grant his full attention.

“They all say they are going to be fine with it. They are so understanding, until they realize ‘no, he’s serious about not enjoying sex.’ They say they’re ok with it, but they never are.” Grant shook his head and stabbed at the softening ice cream with his spoon. “I can see my way to a compromise, but I’d like it to be my fucking idea.”

“Fuck him,” Tab said, before he backtracked. “I mean, not literally fuck him, you know what I mean.”

Grant smiled, for what felt like the first time that night. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” He sighed. “I just wish they would stop treating ace as the opening offer, like if they counter with heavy petting we might be off to the races.”

“Clearly they don’t understand that after living with me for five years, you are immune to the hard sell.” Tab said, clearly trying to get Grant to smile again.

“I don’t know if that is the worst or if it’s when they try and use the longevity of our relationship in blackmailing me into sex,” Grant said, staring down a spoonful of green ice cream.

“Do we need to go kick someone’s ass? I mean, I’m not doing anything tonight. I hold him down, you break his face and then maybe you can express your appreciation by proofreading a resume?” Tab shrugged.

Grant smiled around the spoon in his mouth before waving his hand for the laptop. “I don’t have the energy to drive over to the west side.”

Tab slid the computer over before getting up from his seat and walking behind Grant, squeezing his shoulders. “I’m sorry you wasted all that time just to find out he was a fuck face.”

Grant turned his head so that his cheek was resting against Tab’s knuckles. “Me too.”

“You’ll find someone better,” Tab said, giving Grant’s shoulders another squeeze before he started off towards the kitchen. “I mean, we live in California for fucks sakes. It’s not like gay men are an endangered species.”

“Where are you going?” Grant turned his head towards the darkroom Tab had disappeared into.

“Spoon.” Tab moved the utensil between his fingers.

“What happened to protecting your girlish figure?” Grant asked.

“Isn’t that the question,” Tab asked, looking over his shoulder at his ass. 

“Oh fuck you. You could still pick some place at random and leave with at least five phone numbers,” Grant said, before scooping out another spoonful of ice cream. “Though you aren’t going to get a job if you don’t learn how to use a comma.”

“You could too,” Tab said, pointing his spoon at Grant.

“Yeah and any interest they have in me evaporates real quick when they find out I have no interest in fucking them.” Grant didn’t look up from Tab’s computer.

“And that’s their problem and they are assholes.” Tab spooned out some ice cream.

Grant smiled over the screen of Tab’s computer. Ever since he was eighteen and sat Tab down, his best friend, and told him he was ace, Tab had never been anything other than supportive. When Grant had stumbled his way through his explanation, Tab had just nodded along. When Grant finished, Tab had squeezed his knee and smiled. He’d asked if he was the first person Grant had told. Grant nodded, he still hadn’t told his parents and they wouldn’t take it as well. Tab had simply thrown his arm around Grant’s shoulder and pulled him in for a hug, and said ‘you can always trust me with this stuff.’

And Grant always had.

“Thanks,” Grant nodded.

Tab just shrugged, like it was no big deal. And maybe it didn’t seem like it was to him anymore, because even when Tab had been up to eyeballs in booze, he’d never let Grant slip through the cracks.


	3. Chapter Three

“Honey, I’m home,” Tab said as he walked into the apartment. While the kitchen light was on, there was no one there in kitchen or in the living room. But he could see a soft glow coming from Chuck’s half open bedroom door. Tab knocked on the door with his knuckles.

“Yeah,” Chuck said from the other side of the door.

Tab stuck his head around the door. “Oh damn, I was hoping you had a boy in here.”

“Are you easily scared by cuddling?” Chuck said, raising an eyebrow. He was sitting back against his headboard, his laptop balanced against his knees. Tab could tell he’d showered, his hair wasn’t slick and in order. He was wearing his Stanford t-shirt and gray sweatpants that were frayed around the feet.

“It was definitely a new thing,” Tab said, sitting down before he lay down on the bed next to Chuck, kicking off his shoes as he did so. “What are you doing?”

“Taxes,” Grant said without looking away from the screen. Tab was a little surprised that Chuck hadn’t commented on invasion of his space.

“Want to do mine?” Tab said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No,” Chuck shoved his shoulder. “I feel pathetic enough doing mine.”

“Since when is avoiding jail time pathetic?” Tab sat up a little straighter so he could look at Chuck.

“I’m doing them on a Friday night, Tab” Chuck said, gesturing to his computer. “It’s after eight on a Friday and I’m sitting in my bedroom doing my income taxes. I don’t know if it’s possible to be more pathetic.”

“Well I’d tell you that we are all in this together, but I doubt that you want to be reminded that you have the social calendar of an alcoholic.” Tab shrugged.

“Yeah but you have reason, a good reason, I’m just sitting here paralyzed by…” Chuck trailed off shaking his head.

“You know this sharing thing goes both ways right?” Tab nudged Grant’s shoulder. “You always want to know how my day went, but when I ask the best I get back is fine.”

“You’ve got a lot on your plate,” Chuck replied.

“That’s true, there are going to be times when I won’t be able take on anyone else’s problems but my own. But right now I have enough of my shit together that I can take this on. You should probably enjoy it while it lasts. It might not always be that way.” Tab squeezed Chuck’s knee.

Chuck visibly swallowed like he was stealing himself up for something. “My mother told me today that I need to at least give them something.” Chuck shook his head before rubbing his hand across his face.

It had never occurred to Tab that Grant’s mother didn’t love her son. On the other hand though, when a situation required delicacy or understanding, she never failed to blow it.

“Fuck that,” Tab said, reaching over and closing Chuck’s laptop. He then slid it over into his own lap because he knew Chuck was going to try and brush this off and go back to what he was doing. “You don’t owe them shit, dating doesn’t mean that you are obligated to do fuck all.”

“I do know that,” Chuck said, reaching for his laptop, but Tab moved it out of his grasp.

“Yeah well, you needed to hear it out loud because you let your mother get to you. She is currently building her summer home in your psyche.”

“Shut up,” Chuck replied, but he didn’t argue the point.

“You’re going to find him,” Tab said. “It’s just going to take a little extra looking.”

“Maybe, or maybe I just accept that this works.” This time when Chuck reached for his laptop, Tab let him have it.

“Bullshit. It doesn’t work, you want a relationship and that isn’t beyond the pale,” Tab replied. “You want a relationship. That isn’t an unreasonable thing to want.”

It was that moment that forcibly smacked Tab in the chest. He’d never thought about it before, but sitting there on Chuck’s bed, it just hit him all of the sudden. The desire to be in a relationship with another person had never been so overwhelming. Tab knew he was probably crazy for believing that he could be that person for Chuck. Wanting the other person to be happy seemed like a perfectly logical reason to start a relationship. And since Tab was going on his third month without getting laid, he figured he was well on his way to a lifestyle choice. There was just something about Chuck that made it seem like it would be worth it. Like if Chuck’s smiles belonged to him and him alone, the rest of it would work itself out.

“Seems that way sometimes,” Chuck said, fingers moving over the lid of his laptop.

“It’s not,” Tab tapped Chuck’s arm. “Hey, let’s go out.”

“Where?” Chuck asked, which was a fair question because ninety days ago, they would have been at a bar.

“In and Out’s still open,” Tab replied, feeling a little like he was sixteen and burrowing his parent’s car.

Chuck gestured to what he was wearing.

“We’ll go through the drive through. Come on, I haven’t had dinner yet,” Tab sighed.

“Fine, but no judgment when I dunk my fries in my milkshake,” Grant said, pulling his shoes out from under his bed.

“No verbal judgment,” Tab countered, because fries and chocolate milkshake was weird no matter how many times Chuck and Joe had tried to convince him it wasn’t. Tab winced a bit at the memory of their lives when it had been the three of them.

“What?” Chuck said. Of course he’d noticed the change.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” Tab replied.

There was something about the way Chuck was looking at him that clearly said he didn’t believe him. He watched the struggle play out in his friend’s eyes. The war over whether or not to ask.

“Come on,” Tab said, tapping Chuck’s shoulder, because there were just somethings that he needed to keep to himself.


	4. Chapter Four

Tab’s arrival home from the dealership was marked by a loud crash of the door against the wall.

“Get ready, we are going out,” Tab said as he walking into the living room, twirling his keys around his fingers. “I had five appointments this weekend and I sold five cars. I’m on a hot streak and I got my groove back. We are going out.”

“Out where?” Grant asked, taking his feet off the coffee table and trying to smooth out his slacks. He’d come home from work and just plopped down in front of the TV because it was Saturday and they tried to avoid going out.

“I don’t know. Somewhere with cloth napkins, I am taking you out to celebrate.” Tab sounded so excited, his eyes had a brightness to them that Grant honestly hadn’t seen in months. It appeared that Tab really did have his groove back and it made Grant almost sick to have to be the voice of reason. There was a reason that it had been a while since they had been some place with cloth napkins. Generally those places came with a wine list and a bar. And even though he didn’t point that out, he could tell Tab had already figured it out.

“I want to do this Chuck,” Tab said. “Come on, let me take you out.”

So I can prove to myself I can.

Tab didn’t say it out loud, but Grant could hear it in his voice anyway. Tab wanted to rejoin the world and it was killing him to hear people around him say that he might not be ready. Grant warred with his better judgment.

“If you feel…”

“If I feel like I’m going to tuck and roll off the wagon, we’ll come straight home,” Tab finished.

Grant could hear the pleading in his tone. Since he’d gotten home, Tab had been doing everything he could to make sure everything seemed as normal as possible. Grant knew though, that Tab had fought long and hard for every moment of sobriety that he’d gotten so far.

“Where do you want to go?” Grant relented.

Tab’s smile was blinding. They ended up at a steakhouse a couple of blocks from their house. It was within walking distance, a fact Grant was all too familiar with from guiding Tab back home and hoping he wouldn’t totter off into the gutter. Grant tried to push thoughts like that from his mind. Past was past, they were moving forward.

When they got to the restaurant, Tab had held the door open for him and Grant had to smile at the show he made of it. When they got to the table, Grant swept the wine list off the table and into his chair. He’d thought he’d managed to be pretty smooth about it, but once the waitress left to get Tab’s water with lemon and Grant’s coke, Tab informed him he had not.

“Is there a reason you are sitting on the wine list?” Tab asked conversationally without looking up from the menu as if he were asking about the weather.

Grant pulled the book out from under his ass and dropped it on the table.

Tab smiled at him. “You know, it’s going to take a bit more than that to get me to fall off the wagon. For Christ sake, I didn’t even like wine when I was a drunk.”

Grant decided now was not the time to mention that technically Tab still was a drunk. “I’m just trying to be helpful. Trying to keep you from being triggered.”

“Triggered,” Tab repeated. “Someone’s been doing their research.”

Grant shrugged and tried to focus on the menu in front of him.

“I think it’s sweet,” Tab said and when Grant looked up, Tab was still looking at the menu. “Still trying to protect me.”

“I know it’s your sobriety and that you have to own it,” Grant started.

“Hey,” Tab said, lowering the menu to look at Grant. “I wasn’t giving you a hard time. I mean it, it’s nice knowing you have my back. But save those knight in shining armor impulses for when I come across something that is actually triggering. Like my mother or the overwhelming feelings of anxiety that come with not meeting my quota. The truth is, if I want to get rip roaring wasted, I’m going to do it whether that book’s on the table or not.”

Grant nodded. “It’s not that I don’t believe in you…”

“You know I’m probably going to slip right?” Tab said and Grant felt his stomach drop. He’d thought about it before, he knew that the websites had said that it was possible. But reading it and hearing Tab say it affected him in completely different ways.

“And when that happens it will be my fault,” Tab said. “It won’t be because you didn’t hide the wine list or because you missed a bottle in the apartment, or I took you out to dinner. It will be because I didn’t work the program the way I should, or I didn’t ask for help. It won’t be your fault.”

“I just don’t want to be the reason you slip,” Grant said.

“You won’t,” Tab replied. “Honest to god, you are probably the most stable thing I have going for me right now.”

Grant couldn’t help it. He lowered the menu and he knew that his expression could probably best be described as bug-eyed. “God, you are so fucked if that’s true. I’m not stable, I’ve been moping about the house for the better part of a month over a guy I wasn’t really all that excited about to begin with.”

Tab smiled. “Well, the first step is admitting you have a problem.”

Grant couldn’t have held back the snort of laughter if he’d tried. “What would be the higher power in this situation?”

“It’s not a perfect metaphor,” Tab said with a shrug.

Grant tried to smile and brush it off. The waitress finally came back with their drinks, took their orders, and Grant got Tab on the subject of how he’d managed to sell at all his appointments. He tried to smile in all the right places and laugh in a way that didn’t sound hollow. But Tab was wrong. It was a perfect metaphor. And the higher power seemed to be Grant’s own anxiety of not being good enough.


	5. Chapter Five

“I hate you so much,” Chuck said mildly as he closed the door to apartment behind him. When Tab looked over at him, he almost had to laugh at Chuck balancing the vase of sunflowers.

“Aww,” Tab said, molding the ground beef in his hands into a patty. “Is that anyway to treat the guy that sent you flowers?”

Chuck sighed heavily as he set the vase on the counter. “I think every woman in the credit card department walked by my desk.”

“Oh poor baby,” Tab said.

“They were making cooing noises and Georgina got to the card before I did,” Chuck said.

Tab tried unsuccessfully to smother his laughter.

“It’s not really funny, ‘sweetheart’,” Chuck said.

“Aww, are we not a fan of pet names?” Tab said.

“Sweetheart.” Chuck tipped his head to the side still looking a little annoyed.

“Too much?” Tab asked, picking up the tray of burgers and heading for patio.

“A little over the top,” Chuck called after him as Tab headed out to the grill.

Tab sighed as he started laying out the patties on the grill. He’d been trying slowly over the last few weeks to nudge their friendship into something beyond that. There was, of course, always coming right out and saying it, but Tab was trying to expose himself to the least amount of rejection. It was tricky figuring this out considering their context; trying to balance the friendship that he wanted to keep and the relationship he wanted to form. It was also a little difficult navigating the waters of an asexual relationship. Tab had always led with sex, and sometimes if a relationship followed that, then Tab would figure that out as he went. So now with most of the moves no longer being an option, the task was proving challenging. Not that Tab was giving up. No, he’d decided that he was in this for the long haul.

“Do I want to know what’s in our trash can,” Grant said, walking out on to the patio and sitting down in one of their chairs.

“My reach exceeded my grasp,” Tab replied as he flipped the burgers. “And I’m pretty sure we need a new skillet.”

Chuck sighed, “I liked that skillet.”

“I’ll buy you another one,” Tab promised.

“I know you will,” Chuck said. “You know, you didn’t have to go all out or anything. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s your birthday. How is that not a big deal?” Tab asked, turning around with the spatula still poised in his hand.

“After twenty one, don’t all the other years start to run together? I don’t really want to be reminded that every year I’m getting closer to being thirty and death.”

“Morbid,” Tab said.

“Realistic,” Chuck countered.

“Morbid,” Tab repeated.

Chuck shrugged. “Ignore me. Mom called today.”

And now it all made sense. The nagging phone call from mom of when are you going to settle down? The helpful hint that she’d like to be a young grandmother. The unwanted offers to set you up with the kid of one of her friends. While Tab hadn’t heard the call from Chuck’s mom, he knew the tone because he was nearly due for one from his own mother.

“Want to talk about it?” Tab asked, turning back to the burgers and flipping them for a final time before taking them off.

Chuck sighed and Tab had almost thought that he wasn’t going to say anything when he spoke. “I have a steady job. I get benefits. I pay my own half of the rent, and make car payments. I graduated from a really good school, with really good grades. I have a lot going for me. How is it that my mother, simply by calling, can make me feel like a failure because I’m not married?”

“Because you want to be,” Tab said as he took the burgers off the grill and onto the serving platter. “She’s picking at something you are insecure about, so it hurts more.” He was speaking from experience now. Knowing that nothing got him closer to a relapse then sound of his mother’s voice. His sister was probably a close second, but he’d been militantly avoiding her calls. “Come. Dinner take two is ready.”

Chuck smiled. “Is there cake?”

“Of course there’s cake,” Tab said, pushing open the door to their apartment.

“Did you bake it?” And from the way Chuck was grinning, Tab could tell he knew the answer to that question.

“Have we met? I couldn’t manage dinner. How the hell was I going to navigate a cake?” Tab asked as he started getting condiments out of the fridge. When he looked up from opening the package of buns, he noticed that Grant was running his fingers along the smooth surface of the vase. Tab watched he traced delicately along the yellow pestles of the flower. 

“One of the girls at work said that sunflowers mean adoration. Don’t ask me how she knew that or even if it’s true.” Chuck trailed off then, staring at the flowers. Tab knew it was true, the florist mentioned it when she suggested them. “Do you adore me?” Chuck was smiling in a goofy, head tilted to the side way. It was clear he was trying to pass all this off as a joke, but on the off chance that there was a serious question in there somewhere, Tab decided to tell the truth.

“Sure I do,” and because he was feeling slightly vulnerable about that answer, he finished it with a joke. “How could I not? You’re adorable.”

Chuck rolled his eyes and moved to the cabinet to get plates. He set the plates on the counter next to Tab. “Thanks for the addition and remembering and shit.”

Tab smiled. “Well, you can make a big stupid show out of mine in a couple of months and we’ll be even.” 

“Yeah, see if you can figure out how to get a vase full of flowers and water home. That’s not fucking easy when you are the only one in the car.”

“And you managed it anyway,” Tab said smiling.

“I couldn’t leave them at work over the weekend. They’d die,” Chuck said casually.

Tab smiled because even if Chuck didn’t quite get why he sent him flowers, at least he looked at them like they mattered. Maybe somehow they’d come a little further then he thought.


	6. Six

It felt like a date.

From the second that Tab had texted him that afternoon:

Want to go to a movie later? Dinner after?

It felt like a date and Grant was going to blame that feeling on the damn flowers. The flowers that were dead now with no hope of resurrection, but still left Grant a little bit at a loss when he thought about them.

But how was it supposed to feel like anything else when Tab was pulling out all the stops. Grant had spent most of the night trying to convince himself that it wasn’t a date. Tab still felt guilty. That’s all this was. This was some warped extension of Tab trying to make it up to all the people he’d wronged. Or because Grant was one of his only friends. This was not a date and Grant was being a prize idiot thinking that it was.

“Chuck?”

“Huh?” Grant said, shaking his head and looking across the table at Tab.

“Are you ok? It’s like the lights were on but no one was home?” Tab was looking at him like he’d lost his damn mind, which Grant couldn’t be sure he hadn’t.

“Yeah sorry,” Grant said, trying to shrug it off. “Had a long day.”

“You should have said something. I wouldn’t have dragged you out tonight,” Tab said.

“It’s ok,” Grant replied. “I thought it’d be good for me to get out for a little bit. You know, I spent every night this week cooped up in the apartment.” Because lately going out with Tab had felt like date and Grant was really losing his mind.

Charles Grant had been sixteen when he’d meet Floyd Talbert at a party in the basement of a house. Tab had been drunk at the time, but until this year, that had been par for the course. Grant had been doing a really good impression of a wallflower when Tab had walked over to him. Tab came on pretty strong, crowding Grant up against the wall and whispering some pretty creative suggestions about how they could spend the evening. Grant had begged off, inventing a boyfriend, and surprisingly, Tab had let him go. Tab was sexual in a way that made Grant uncomfortable, even though he hadn’t figured out why. That didn’t mean that Grant didn’t think he was hot, or that he didn’t wonder what it was like for the people that Tab picked up for on the town. Grant did know enough to that he wouldn’t be enough, so he kept his feelings to himself. So this wasn’t a date.

It was then that he felt Tab’s fingers move against his wrist. Tab’s index and pointer fingers were stroking softly over Grant’s wrist and on to the back of his hand.

“You’re doing it again,” Tab said.

“Sorry, I’ve got a lot on my mind right now. Work is…” Grant just trailed off, not having the energy to lie to Tab. He probably wouldn’t even be able to pull it off with the mood he was in. Grant poked his pork chop with his fork before he looked up at Tab. “If I ask you a serious question, could I get a serious answer and not have us go twenty rounds over why I’m asking?”

“Sure,” Tab said with that casual air of his that at moments like this, made him want to punch Tab. He should not be allowed to look that calm while Grant was in the midst of a freakout.

“Why me?” And Grant realized the second he said it that he probably needed to explain the crazy train he was on to rest of the class. “When we were sixteen at that party, why me? What did sixteen year old me have going for me that I seem to have lost along the way?”

“You looked sad,” Tab said, “and I wish that was something you had lost along the way.”

“So you were picking off the weak antelope in the herd?” Grant asked. He tried not to say it in a way that sounded mean, but Tab still recoiled a bit and removed his hand. Grant wanted it back.

“I didn’t mean…” Grant started, but Tab cut him off.

“You looked like a challenge, like you weren’t going to give in easy. I liked, I like a challenge,” Tab corrected. “It’s a weakness of mine. I just thought it might be fun to ruffle you a little, see if I could make you smile.”

“Then why’d you let me get away with the fake boyfriend? Clearly it was bullshit. I mean, I didn’t even believe it,” Grant said.

Tab laughed and leaned back in toward the table a bit more. “You are such a bad liar. It’s kind of cute actually.” 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Grant said.

“You looked at me like you were scared of me.” Tab shook his head a little. “I’d never had someone look at me like that before. I didn’t like it. You needed to believe that you had a boyfriend, so I let you.”

“For like a week,” Grant said, remembering being called out on it at his locker.

“I wanted us to be friends. We couldn’t do that lying to each other,” Tab said.

There was a certain amount of logic there that Grant had to respect.

“I’m a little disappointed you gave up on getting into my pants that quickly,” Grant said.

“Sorry, but Marie Marshall let me under her cheerleading skirt that night. I’m easily distracted. You know this about me.” Tab said it like there should be no hard feelings.

“There was a time when Marie was a challenge?” Grant asked, tipping his head to the side. By the time they’d graduated, Tab and Marie were the textbook definition ‘off and on’. Tab would charm his way back into her good graces and by the end of the week, she’d be swearing up and down he was the worst thing that had ever happened to her.

“Yep, that was the night that started it all,” Tab said smiling broadly.

“Oh Jesus,” Grant groaned. “If I’d have known then what I know now, I’d probably would have let you feel me up just to spare us the next two years.” 

“Aww Chuck. Way to take one for the team.” Tab smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m a good person like that,” Grant said. And it was then he realized it wasn’t a date. It was just the two of them hanging out like they always did. Tab still felt like he had something to make up for. Maybe he did. Grant didn’t think he did, but Grant had always had a soft spot where Tab was concerned. Grant forgave him easily. Maybe too easily, Joe had always thought so. But Joe just didn’t understand. Tab was Grant’s best friend and Grant needed him. So he forgave him.

So this wasn’t a date.

Until Tab picked up the check and then Grant was right back where he started.


	7. Chapter Seven

Tab rolled over and punched his pillow like that was the reason he was awake at ass o’clock in the morning. It had nothing to with the shape of his pillow. It was the noise that was coming from the apartment above his head. Tab was pretty sure they were sex noises. It was also possible that someone was being murdered. That was less likely though because surely a murderer would make more of an effort to be quiet. Tab groaned, gave up and pulled himself out of bed to head to the kitchen. He had big plans for a water bottle and a pay per view movie. His plans changed when he reached the kitchen and noticed that Chuck’s light was still on. Even though he wasn’t having a whole lot of success with getting Chuck to notice that he was hitting on him, Tab found himself feeling slightly reckless in the late hour. It couldn’t hurt to try. Maybe if he kept trying, Chuck would finally figure out what was going on.

He rapped his knuckles against the door frame. At the sound, Chuck looked up from the rather thick book that he was reading. “What are you doing? I thought you went to bed.”

“I’m trying not to be scarred for life,” Tab said, leaning against the door frame.

And it spoke to the aggressiveness of their neighbor’s sex life that Chuck’s response was, “Are they at it again?”

“Yes,” Tab groaned. “Look, I’m happy for them, but you think it would be too much to ask for them to keep it the fuck down?”

“I can call the super Monday?” Grant suggested. “I know that doesn’t do you any good right now but that’s all I’ve got.”

“I hate being that guy,” Tab said, walking into the room and sitting on the corner of Chuck’s bed.  
“I mean, making a noise complaint makes me feel like I’ve aged twenty years over night. You know I used to be the guy they called the super on?”

“Yeah I remember,” Chuck said dryly, returning his attention to his book.

And just like that Tab now felt like an asshole. “I guess we can add that to the list of things that I need to apologize for.”

“It wasn’t just you,” Chuck said. “I was getting it from both sides at that point. Joe and Web weren’t exactly quiet. Sometimes I thought you guys were in a competition.”

“We might have been,” Tab mused as he lay back against the bed, feet still planted on the floor.

“Did you ever declare a winner?” Chuck asked.

“Well, he and the professor are playing house and I went to rehab so I’m pretty sure the answer is in there somewhere.” Tab turned his head so that he was facing Chuck and pushed his book up so he could see the cover. “Philosophy? Jesus, you are such a nerd.”

Chuck shook his head but he let Tab have the subject change, and for that Tab was grateful. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“What’s your excuse?” Tab asked.

“I wish I had one,” Chuck replied, as he turned the page. Tab doubted that he was actually reading the book, if he ever was to begin with. He was probably just turning the page to give him something to do with his hands.

“Well scoot over,” Tab said. “You have way more than half right now.”

“It’s my bed,” Chuck responded. “The whole thing is my half.”

“Well not right now it isn’t,” Tab said as he reached over to Chuck’s nightstand and retrieved the remote. “We are watching a movie so I’m commandeering half the bed.”

“We are?” Chuck asked.  
“I’m sorry. Did you have a full evening planned of pretending to read philosophy?” Tab said, getting comfortable against the headboard.

“Shut up,” Chuck replied as if by default. “And fuck you, I was reading it until you decided to inflict your insomnia on me.”

“Sure.” Tab drew out the u to convey his disbelief.

“I was,” Chuck replied, but Tab could tell that his heart wasn’t really in the defense. “What are we watching?”

“No idea,” Tab replied as he turned the TV on. “Something violent and guaranteed to drop my IQ by thirty points.”

“Can you really spare those points?” Grant asked as he shifted his shoulder, brushing Tab’s as he did so.

Tab couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. It was like they were in high school again. Except back then Tab would have had a bottle that he stole from his parents. And they would sit down in Tab’s parents’ basement to drink and watch a movie spread out on the sofas. Things were easier then. They had their whole lives in front of them, so many mistakes they’d yet to make. College was still an unknown entity and not the most stressful thing he’d yet to come across. They hadn’t moved to San Francisco, but they were plotting it every chance they got. They hadn’t met Joe yet, so Tab had not yet become equated with the feeling of disappointing a friend. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he was on the fast track to addiction. Everything was so much easier when they were younger.

Tab looked over at Chuck as the movie began to play and realized things were only easier for him. High school had been hell for Chuck. He’d been struggling with the feeling of wrongness that he couldn’t name or talk to Tab about. And while Tab had known something was wrong, he didn’t know how to ask what it was. Things had gotten better for Chuck when they’d gotten older. When he’d finally figured out the name for what was going on in his head. Tab figured he should count himself lucky that Chuck had kept him along for the ride.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Chuck said. “I can’t keep up with complexities of this cinematic master piece you’ve chosen.” 

Tab smiled and knocked his shoulder into Grant’s and he was gifted with a small smile in return.


	8. Chapter Eight

When Grant came home, dropping his bag by the door he knew something was up. There was no Sports Center coming from the living room. No music coming from Tab’s room. And there were no smells coming from the kitchen. And yet he parked next to Tab’s Impala in their parking lot.

“Tab,” Grant called, and even though he knew they didn’t, it felt like the words echoed off the walls.

“Kitchen,” Tab answered and Grant followed the sound of his voice.

Tab didn’t sound drunk, there was no slurring. And when Grant reached the kitchen, he saw Tab sitting up straight in one of their kitchen chairs. This was good considering his posture was one of the first things to go when Tab had been drinking. He doesn’t look quite right though. His smile wasn’t really more than an upturn of lips. And his hair looked like his fingers had made a couple of runs through it.

“What’s up?” Grants asked, sitting down in the chair opposite Tab and his laptop.

Tab let out a long breath and Grant wondered how long he’d been holding it.

“Anything you want to get off your chest before I start? Because once I get rolling, we could be here for a while,” Tab offered, pushing himself back from the table slightly.

Grant gestured for Tab to continue. It wasn’t like Grant had a lot going on in his life right now outside of work and trying to figure out if Tab was treating him like a boyfriend and how to make him stop. Or not. Grant’s thoughts were too confusing to be shared with the rest of the class.

“Well, my mother called today,” Tab started and Grant winced. They had been waiting for this. Ever since Tab got out of rehab, and honestly Grant had started to think it wasn’t going to happen. After all, it had been several months. Even Grant’s mother had managed a few phone calls in that time.

“Yeah that was fun,” Tab said dryly. “She’s all excited about our family vacation.”

After that Grant knew what was bothering Tab and it wasn’t that his mother was planning the annual trip to the islands. Well, it was, but not because Tab was against sunshine. Every year, for as long as Grant had known Tab, their family packed up and went somewhere sunny and tropical. Grant had even been dragged along a few times while they were in high school. It wasn’t that he didn’t have fun. Looking back on it, those times with Tab were some of Grant’s favorite memories. But those moments involved just them. Eventually they ended back up with the rest of Tab’s family and it all went sideways. Tab’s mother, much like Grant’s, was a very critical woman who constantly found some fault in her children. By contrast, Tab’s father could best be described as absent. He went to work, came home, had dinner, and retired to his study, before going to bed. Horrible parents were one thing. Many people had bad relationships with their parents and went on to live fully functional lives. The real blow was Tab’s younger sister.

Rather than banding together in their shared misery, they had allowed their mother to pit them against each other. Things didn’t get better as they got older. If anything, they got worse. The biggest problem was that she controlled access to Tab’s niece and nephew, who Tab adored. While his relationship with his sister was combative, his relationship with his brother was almost nonexistent. To be honest, Grant sometimes forgot that Tab had an older brother. Peter was never really around, since there was a fairly sizable gap in their ages.

“I told her I wasn’t going.” Tab’s voice pulled Grant out of his reflection. “I figure I don’t need to be around my three favorite reasons to drink.”

There were plenty of good reasons for Tab not to go besides his family. They would be going to an island that revolved around alcohol once the sun went down. That was truly the last place he needed to be. But it used to be his favorite place to be. Tab looked forward to it all year.

“She said she was very disappointed in me, but what else is new,” Tab said, getting up from his chair and walked over to the stove. Presumably to pretend to start dinner.

“I’d go with you,” Grant said once Tab had passed him. “If you wanted to go, but didn’t want to be alone down there,” Grant added as an afterthought when Tab didn’t say anything. Grant got up and to join Tab by the stove and found Tab bracing himself against the counter. Grant reached out his hand and gave Tab’s shoulder a squeeze.

“It could be really bad idea,” Tab said.

“So we’ll fly back early. Your mother isn’t forcing us to stay there.” Grant tried to make the suggestion in a way that didn’t sound like he was pushing Tab to do something he didn’t want to do.

“It would be nice to see Bryce and Molly again, even if Anna is part of the package,” Tab said. “Hell, I’ll even be sober this time.”

“Which is more then you’ll probably be able to say for their mother,” Grant added.

Grant watched as the corner of Tab’s mouth tugged up ever so slightly. Jokes at Annabelle’s expense always played with Tab even during the worst of times.

“Fuck it, let’s do it,” Tab said, slapping the counter. “I feel like with you on my side I can take on the world.”

Grant nodded along dumbly as he focused on controlling his breathing and willing his heart not to beat out of his chest.

He did too.  
*~*  
Every year, especially since he turned twenty-one, Tab swore to anyone that would listen that he was going to save himself almost two days of travel and just go straight to Hawaii. He didn’t care if his mother thought it was pedestrian. It was closer and it did not involve spending the night in Charlotte, North Carolina. Every year he said this, as he dragged his ass towards customs and baggage claim after that. And every year once he got off the plane, sorted out his rental car, he always came to his senses. The minute the salt laced air hit his nose and heard the sound of tree frogs, it felt like home. Nostalgia aside he was still exhausted.

“I thought we were going to drop the bags off real quick and then go get groceries.” Chuck asked.

Tab couldn’t see Chuck’s face because the second he’d gotten into the room, he’d just face planted onto the bed. Even though he couldn’t see him, he knew Chuck was probably leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. To make it worse, he probably looked smug.

“Changed my mind.” Tab turned his head, because he honestly didn’t think he energy to repeat himself.

“You can sleep until dinner, after I get coffee filters and coffee.” Chuck tugged at his shoulder. “Otherwise this time tomorrow you’ll wish you left me at home.”

“Never,” Tab said, heaving himself up off the bed. He smoothed out his shirt before looking around the room. “Where is your bag?”

“Living room,” Chuck replied with a tone that conveyed confusion.

“Jesus, Chuck. I’m not making you sleep on the sofa. I didn’t make you sleep on the sleeper when we were fifteen. Why the fuck would I start now?” Tab rolled his eyes before heading to the living room. He pushed Grant’s bag towards the bedroom. “It’s a king for Christ sake, something tells me that we’ll fit.”

“But you kick in your sleep,” Chuck muttered.

“You’ll survive,” Tab said before he yanked open door to their room.

“My poor shins.” Chuck shook his head.

Tab, ever the mature one, stuck his tongue at Chuck as they turned to head to the stairs.

Grant shook his head, but Tab didn’t miss the smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth. “So your mother was on her best behavior today.”

“Yeah, she only offered me alcohol twice,” Tab groaned.

“Believe it or not, I thought it would be worse,” Chuck said as they took the stairs two at a time like they did when they were kids.

“Yeah, she didn’t once mention that maybe next year I’ll be bringing a nice girl.” Tab shrugged.

“Well, the week is still young,” Chuck commented.

“There are thirty seven beaches on this island. Can we for the sake of my sanity not end up at the same one they do tomorrow?” Tab implored. “I’m going to need a day to shake jetlag before I’m ready to deal with that.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I need ringside seats for your sister’s first day bender,” Chuck agreed dryly as they crossed the street.

Tab would have laughed prior to the thirty days spent examining his own relationship with alcohol, but now it was just sad. Every year without fail, the first day they were down here, his sister cut loose like she just turned twenty-one and had never experienced liquor before. When they were younger it was fun; it was the only time Tab could actually stand her. But now on a woman who was on the back side of thirty, it was just sad. Especially when she spent the next day unable to leave her hotel room.

He had probably been about to say something to that effect when they walked into the small grocery store across the street. They were blasted with cold air, but that wasn’t what Tab noticed. It was the wall-to-wall liquor section in the front of the store. He’d been coming to this store since he was a teenager, but never had it looked quite so big, quite so imposing.

“I can do this, if you want to go back and take a nap or something.” Chuck elbowed his side.

Tab shook his head. “It's ok, I just…I really don’t remember it being this big.”

“Me too, to be honest.” Chuck said.

“Well, I can’t leave you to do this alone; you’ll forget that we need basket filters for the coffee maker,” Tab said, taking hold of one of the small carts by the door to give himself something to do with his hands.

“That was one time and it’s not my fault after all this time cone filters are a reflex.” Chuck shoved his shoulder into Tab’s.  
Tab leaned against the handlebar of the cart and watched as Chuck tried to decide on the coffee. During his time in car sales, he’d had some truly regrettable coffee, so it wasn’t choosy enough for Chuck. 

“We should probably offer to take the kids somewhere Monday so they don’t have to spend the whole day at the pool,” Tab commented.

“Surely Anna would let Bryce drive by now,” Chuck said, not breaking eye contact with the shelves of coffee.

“Do you hear yourself right now? Trust and responsibility. Does that sound remotely like my sister?” Tab tossed a box of basket filters into the cart.

“Jesus, I suppose they are too old for the butterfly farm now.” Grant selected a coffee and added it to the cart. “There is no way I’m not going to feel old just looking at them. I still remember the year Anna couldn’t come because she was pregnant with Molly.”

“That was a good year. I kept praying she’d have another kid.” Tab added sandwich bags to the cart so they could pack their lunches on the beach.

“She had two normal children, it would have been too much to hope for a third. Besides, she had one boy and one girl, she is queen of the WASPs.”

Tab laughed and he turned the cart down the next aisle. He didn’t glance over at the liquor section as he did so and that was progress, even if he didn’t notice. 

*~*  
Grant knew he was being an asshole. He was supposed to be one person down here that was on Tab’s side, but god damn it. There are just some things you don’t joke about. Of course you would only know those things are off limits if you were aware of Grant’s delicate feelings. So he was being completely unreasonable, but that didn’t stop him from slamming the door when they got back to their room.

“Hey, let’s just go somewhere else tonight. I don’t know where they are going, but we can wait and let them leave first. That way they can’t turn up like they did today. Besides I need a shower anyway.”

Grant sighed. Tab didn’t even know what was going on and here he was, being a full blown ass.  
“You know that’s just Anna right? She might actually be the worst person in the world.”

It wasn’t Anna. Well it was, but then just like that it wasn’t. Grant wasn’t terribly surprised that Anna’s views on asexuality were not progressive. This was precisely why he hadn’t told her. So he would have been great if Tab’s mother hadn’t seen fit to outing him on the beach. But it wasn’t the first time that he’d been told he was confused. It wasn’t even the first time he’d gotten into an argument with Anna. No, that wasn’t what was bothering him.

“If it will make you feel better, I’ll get into it with her tomorrow at dinner, just because I love you.”

That’s what it was. There is was again. On beach, he’d zinged Anna good and he’d been no small amount of pleased with himself. And then the moment was gone when Tab, with laughter dancing in his eyes, had said “this is why I love you.”

Now Tab had never said that before. Not in a warm best friend kind of way. Not in the slurred drunk kind of way. And absolutely not in the I-have-actual-feelings-of-affection-for-you way. He’d actually never heard Tab say it to anyone. Not a romantic partner or a member of his family. Grant was sure Tab had, just not within Grant’s earshot. Never not once, and it was actually pretty helpful for Grant’s sanity. Because then he never had to torture himself with remembering how it sounded when he said it. Until today, and now there was no way he was not going be reliving that moment like a nightmare for the next few days.

“I could have gone my whole life without knowing how it sounds when you say you love me.” Grant’s voice was dull and flat when he responded to Tab. “You don’t mean it.” Grant shook his head. “Or you don’t mean it the way I want you to. I mean Jesus, Tab. I’ve had a crush on you since I was sixteen.”

Grant knew that he had raised his voice, but that didn’t stop him from continuing. “I’m not asking you to reciprocate it, but since you don’t, can you keep certain phrases to yourself? Just like for the sake of my sanity.”

“Because I don’t,” Tab repeated and the fact that he sounded pissed about it surprised Grant. “Jesus Christ, Chuck. For a smart guy, sometimes you can be really dumb. I bought you flowers for your birthday. We go out on dates. What the fuck do I have to do? Sing it for you?”

“You want to date me.” It was official, Grant had arrived in the twilight zone.

“I thought I already was,” Tab said, throwing his hands up in the air.

“You thought…”

“I already was,” Tab finished for him.

“I didn’t realize that.” Grant bit his lip.

“No shit,” Tab replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why the hell did you think I was sending you flowers? When in the history of our friendship have I ever sent you flowers? I think the last time I sent I sent anyone flowers was when you bullied me into sending Anna flowers after Molly was born. What in the fresh hell did you think I was doing? Did you think I was just screwing with you? Jesus, what kind of asshole do you think I am?”

“I didn’t think you were an asshole.” Grant shook his head. “I guess I just thought you were over compensating. Because of…” Grant trailed of making a vague gesture with his hand.

“Because when I was a drunk I lost all my friends.” Tab raised his eyebrows.

“I already feel like shit for thinking that I really don’t need your help in that department,” Grant said.

“It’s not a complete shit thing to think,” Tab said, his shoulders relaxing. “It kind of started out that way. Somewhere along the way it became something else.”

“Somewhere around the flowers,” Grant asked, laughter teasing his words.

“Shut the fuck up. You loved those flowers.” Tab was smiling now and that something.

“I did love those flowers,” Grant agreed.

“I’ll still go four rounds with Anna, if you wanted me to.” Tab patted Grant’s shoulder.

“Because you’re my boyfriend?” Grant looked up at him.

“Or just because I’m your friend and I don’t think you should be treated badly,” Tab answered.

“It’d be nice if my boyfriend thought that I shouldn’t be treated badly,” Grant said, having a little trouble holding Tab’s gaze.

“Well he does,” Tab replied. Grant was relieved that years of friendship had given Tab the ability to read him well enough to know what he was asking for.

“You’re still not allowed to pick a fight with your sister,” Grant said.

Tab groaned. “Why do you always have to be the sensible one?” Tab turned and headed down the hallway towards the bathroom.

“Someone has to be in this relationship,” Grant called at Tab’s back.

*~*

“I’m starting to realize that are things that are significantly less fun without liquor,” Tab said as he stared down into his Sprite.

He sighed, looking up at the patio in front of him. Every year when his family came down to this hotel, the hotel threw a welcome back party for the guests every Monday. The food was free and it was pretty good, normally Caribbean barbecue. The wine was free too, but it tasted like gasoline. That hadn’t bothered Tab before because after a few glasses you couldn’t really feel your face. But without the booze, it was a patio of mostly geriatrics who’d had too much free wine.

“I recall someone telling me it will be fun and there will be free food,” Chuck replied. “I have to say I think I would have rather paid for dinner.”

Tab shook his head.

“Just promise me that we can leave before they start the karaoke.” Chuck looked pleadingly at Tab - he was a lip quiver away from being truly pathetic.

“Aww come on, you don’t want to hear the little old lady that just wheeled in her oxygen tank croon a few bars of Patsy Cline?” Tab asked.

“I don’t think my eardrums will recover,” Chuck said.

“Oh look. There are the boys over there,” a high pitched voice proclaimed, one that Tab recognized as his mother’s. Not only mother, but his half in the bag mother.

“As if she can’t see us holding this table for thirteen people. We could be seen by passing cruise ships,” Tab replied dryly. Between Anna, her husband, and their two kids, Tab’s parents, and Tab’s older brother, his wife and their three kids, they were quite the party.

“Be nice,” Chuck said, but his heart wasn’t in it. He was only saying it because that’s what you say when you are a good kid.

“I do not have to be nice to a woman that ten bucks says reeks of gin,” Tab shot back.

“That’s a sucker’s bet,” Chuck replied.

Tab was going to stay something else but he stopped because his niece, Molly, was walking towards them. Molly looked sad. It was one of the things Tab had noticed about her since they got here. Molly had always been outgoing, but this year she was clearly more subdued. Tab wanted to chalk it up to teenage angsts, or that the pressure of high school ending soon was starting to get to her. It was more than that, Tab could just feel it.

“Hello Miss Molly,” Tab said as Molly sat down in the chair next to him.

“Mind if I sit here?” she asked.

“Sure kiddo.” Tab smiled and though she returned the smile, it was not nearly as bright as it usually was.

“Did you guys have fun at the beach today?” Chuck asked, and Tab could tell by the tone of Chuck’s voice that he noticed that something was off about Molly too.

“Well, Mom and Bryce almost drowned,” she said, like she was dying to tell someone this story.

“Go on,” Tab said because he was liking where this was going.

“They went parasailing and there was some trouble getting them back on the boat,” Molly elaborated.

“Your mother went parasailing.” The disbelief in Chuck’s voice was tangible.

“And nearly drown,” Molly confirmed.

Tab couldn’t help his laugh because his sister was clearly fine as she was standing by the bar. So now the only thing left to do was laugh. He was brought up short when the waitress came by and asked if they wanted anything else to drink. Tab turned to look at Molly.

“Can I get a water please?” she asked in a small voice.

“Come on,” Tab said, nudging her. “Is that what you really want?”

Molly hesitated.

“I’m going to order you a Shirley Temple if you don’t speak up,” Tab said. When Molly was younger, nine or so, Tab had set her on Shirley Temples because Molly loved the color pink.

“I’ll have a Coke,” she said a little more firmly.

“Outgrown the Shirley Temples have you,” Tab said.

“They are pretty obnoxiously pink,” she said with a shrug.

Tab shook his head as the waitress brought back a can of Coke and glass of ice. Tab had been about press for more details about his sister’s near death experience when said devil walked right over to the table.

“Molly, a soda? Don’t you think you’ve had enough of those today?” Anna asked, her hand braced on her hip.

“Anna, lighten up. She’s on vacation,” Tab said.

“You know, I really don’t think I need to take advice from you about how to raise my children,” Anna snapped. “I don’t think you are really a model of personal restraint.”

Tab watched as Grant stiffened noticeably, most likely to remind Anna that personal restraint was hardly an area where she held the high ground. Tab decided to brush it off, he didn’t need to get into a fight with his sister every night of his vacation. “Thanks for that, sis. Always nice to know that you’re in my corner.” He smirked at Anna as she moved down the table.

“Ignore her,” he said to Molly. “Our mother skewed her thinking when it came to body image.”

“That’s not as easy as it sounds.” Molly replied, the half smile from before was back.

Tab nodded. “I know.”

“I’m proud of you, even if she can’t admit it,” Molly added.

“When did you grow up and become an adult on me?” Tab asked.

Molly shrugged, but she poured her Coke over ice and Tab counted it as a win even if it was a small one.

*~*

Finally after three days on the island, they managed to have a good day. It helped that the most time they had spent with Tab’s family was when they passed his parents on the way to get the car. They’d left the hotel to find a souvenir for his mother. He’d fought the urge to buy the tackiest t-shirt as retaliation for all the shirts she got him when he was younger. But he’d managed it and bought a bottle of French perfume. Then they got dressed for dinner in record time and tried to sneak out without being seen by anyone in Tab’s family. It reminded Grant of when they were younger and had tried to sneak over to the nightclub above the casino without getting caught. Both of these things hadn’t ended up being difficult because no one really cared. But the idea that they had to be quiet, that they might get caught had added a sense of adventure. And Grant would be lying if he said that wasn’t still true.

They decided to end the evening at Tab’s favorite restaurant on the island. Naturally because customers could see the ocean from the restaurant’s front door, they would be a seafood place, and Grant had to agree it was one of the better places. They’d been coming here since their parents had started letting them go off on their own. They would sit in the back and look out at the yachts that had pulled into the harbor, and make up stories about who owned them.

“I think that one is actually owned by the guy that owns Absolute Vodka,” Tab said, pointing to one of the boats that was farthest out. “I’d like to think I contributed to that in some small way.” 

“Jesus, all that from vodka, I got into the wrong business.” Grant shook his head.

“I know, right? We used to think we had to be athletes or actors or something. Turns out all we had to do was make a line of flavored vodkas,” Tab replied.

Grant smiled and turned his head to look into the restaurant and then he saw her. A lot had changed since Tab and Grant had started coming down here; both the island and themselves. Sometimes it was fascinating to notice that Kitty Welsh remained remarkably the same. She had the same brown hair with the same gentle curl and the same smile that made you feel better just for looking at it.

Grant could still remembered the first time he met her, standing in front of a beach chair and waving her arms so Tab would notice her. She hugged him and then Tab introduced them. ‘Any friend of Tab’s,’ she’d said. He was just about to nudge Tab and point her out when it became obvious that Kitty had already noticed them. It was obvious in the beeline that she made towards their table.

“You boys never call, you never write,” she remarked as she got closer to the table.

Tab’s head turn sharply at the sound of her voice.

“Jesus, Kitty. Where did you come from?” Tab asked.

“Parking lot.” Kitty nodded her head back towards the entrance to restaurant. As if summoned by the sound of her voice her husband Harry walked into the restaurant with their best friends Ron and Lip in tow. Grant watched as Harry scanned the room for his wife and noticed the way his face lit up when he saw her. As long as Grant had known Harry, Harry had only ever had eyes for Kitty. It was as if the second he saw her, he just knew. Grant envied that kind of certainty.

“I wish someone would have told me they were coming down so we could have arranged something.” Kitty narrowed her eyes and looked at them both sharply.

“I’m not great company these days,” Tab replied.

Kitty whacked Tab’s shoulder with an impressive amount of force. She’d always been deceptively strong. “That is such bullshit.” Grant knew it should have surprised him that Kitty knew exactly what was going on without any need for calefaction, but that was Kitty. But it was hard to get something over Kitty and Grant had figured if he was in over his head, Kitty would make a nonjudgmental first phone call.

“What’s bullshit?” Harry asked when he reached their table. “That they thought they could sneak down here without telling us?”

“That Tab’s bad company,” Kitty replied.

“Total crap,” Ron said and Grant watched as a smile tugged at the corner of Tab’s mouth. From the time they were teenagers, Grant knew that Tab looked up to Ron the way he wished he could look up to his older brother. Grant couldn’t blame him. At fourteen, Ron and Harry had been older and cooler because of it. “Besides,” he continued. “You’re better off than this one who is trying to avoid the seafood.”

Kitty moved her hands over her stomach to indicate there would be more of it soon.

“Holy shit, when did this happen?” Grant asked.

“Found out a couple of days before we left,” Kitty said. “I haven’t really told anyone yet.”

“You’re three and four on the list of people that know,” Harry added. “We thought we’d tell the parents when we got back. Otherwise my mother would spend the whole week fussing over her.”

They both congratulated Kitty and Harry before Lip suggested they get a table for six because people were starting to stare. Tab tried again to wave them off, but Kitty insisted, and when Kitty insisted, you just did what you were told.

As they were switching tables, Grant noticed Lip squeeze Tab’s shoulder and heard him say, “You’re still the best company around.”

Grant smiled. They might have flown for two days to get here, but it was worth it to remind Tab that even though his family often failed him, he wasn’t going this alone. There was a community of people that were proud of him and wouldn’t let him go it alone. 

*~*

Tab winced the second he heard the door hit the wall. He knew that he had opened it with more force than he should have, but at the time, he hadn’t been thinking clearly. He turned around and saw that Chuck had opened the door and was checking the wall.

“You’re good. It has one of those kick plate things.”

Tab sighed in relief.

“You’re good,” Chuck said, squeezing his shoulder. “You held up admirably today, it was very big of you to not take your sister’s head off.”

“I’m not asking for her to rearrange the whole trip around me, but could you not, for the sake of my sanity, book a booze cruise? They are called that for a reason. There is nothing to do on those things but drink. If I have to spend all day on a boat with my family, I’m going to need a drink - I’m going to probably need twelve.” Tab sighed in frustration, putting the heels of hands against his temple.

Chuck crossed the room and took Tab’s wrists in his hands and lowered them from his forehead. “Hey,” he smiled. “Let’s worry about getting ready for dinner right now. When we get there, we’ll try and make other plans. You know Speirs is always up for an adventure. And if they already have plans, I’m sure we can con them into letting us come along. You know it’s not going to be a wild party because Kitty can’t drink either.”

Tab shook his head, “So that’s the plan, just hope Kitty stays pregnant so no one feels weird around the drunk?”

“I’m pretty sure Harry’s going to have her knocked up for the foreseeable future,” Chuck replied, trying to make light of the situation.

Tab couldn’t help his snort of laughter.

“It will be ok. Every year it will get easier, probably not all-day-on-a-boat-with-your-family easy, but then we’ll just have a day all to ourselves,” Chuck said, still holding onto Tab’s wrist.

“I knew you were going to start demanding romance at some point,” Tab replied, trying to keep the conversation heading in the teasing direction Chuck had turned it in. Tab had always been good at following someone else’s lead.

“Hey now, what happened to the guy that got me flowers for my birthday?” Chuck teased.

“He got you into bed, you should know it’s all downhill from here,” Tab replied.

“Going to have to put you back out on the couch then,” Chuck said.

Tab was about to make another joke but he stopped because there was something in the look on Chuck’s face that said teasing was not what he was looking for at that moment. Tab was about to start backpedaling when Chuck dropped his right wrist before lifting his hand to cup Tab’s cheek. Tab swallowed. He had no idea what was going on, but he was going to be damned if he moved and spoiled whatever it was. Chuck dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, and leaned in towards that moment. It was then that Tab bought a vowel and realized where this was going. He still didn’t move, he just let Chuck move all the way and kissed him back when he got there. The kiss was slow and measured, but Tab still found himself out of breath when Chuck pulled away.

He didn’t go far though, he pulled back just enough that his nose was brushing Tab’s cheek. “I kept thinking you were going to do that.”

“I didn’t know if it was allowed,” Tab answered.

“It is,” Chuck nodded, the fingers of his left hand tracing a pattern on Tab’s wrist.

“I know that now and I will be taking advantage of this knowledge.” Tab smiled.

“Ok.” Chuck returned the smile.

“You’re going to tell me where the lines are,” Tab said. “Because you know me, I have no lines and flying blind, I promise I will fuck it up.”

Chuck nodded. “Sometimes they change, sometimes I’m not even going to want you to touch.”

“And that’s all you have to say,” Tab said, leaning forward and kissing Chuck’s forehead.

“So you’re good?” Chuck said, squeezing Tab’s wrist.

“That wasn’t a pity kiss because I took a slide into crazy, was it?” Tab felt his stomach drop a little.

“No, that was an ‘I’ve wondered how he kisses since I was sixteen’ kiss. I saw a window and went for it,” Chuck replied.

“Did it live up to the hype?” Tab raised his eyebrows.

Grant laughed, “I can see why all the girls put up with you.”

Tab shrugged. “What can I say? It’s a gift.” Tab decided this was time to take advantage. He leaned in and kissed Grant again. It was just a peck, an acknowledgement that he knew it was allowed. He pulled back and smiled. “I’m going to go take a shower, get ready for dinner. Unless of course you want to grab me and start making out again. In which case, I’m sure they will understand why we cancel.”

Chuck rolled his eyes. “Take your shower.”

“Wanna join?” Tab threw out there. “Nothing below your waist, I promise.”

“Next time maybe,” Chuck said, seriously before another joke. “But think of me fondly.”  
Tab gave Chuck a shove in the shoulder and laughed it off before he went to gather his things. And he brushed it off as a joke, ok so maybe not completely...or at all, because warm water and Chuck’s voice were maybe not a combination that he was prepared for.

“Fuck,” Tab hissed as he leaned back against the cool tile behind him. The contrast between it and the warm water pouring on him was jarring. If he listened closely, he could hear Chuck puttering around in the kitchen. Chuck, who’d told him to think of him fondly.

Tab slid his hand down his bare torso. He wasn’t going to pretend that he hadn’t jerked off to thoughts of his best friend. It was the first that he’d done it without the accompanying feeling of sickening guilt. Tab braced his arm against the shower wall, lowering his head and feeling the water roll down his neck and shoulder blades. 

His fingers slid over his hip bone, the pads of his fingers tracing down over the v of his legs. He still remembered the way he used to think about Chuck when he was a teenager. He’d have Chuck pressed up against the door of his bedroom, one hand tucked up under Chuck’s t-shirt, the other down his pants. He’d have his mouth on Chuck’s, listening to Chuck gasp his name. And even though he’s matured, and his sexual experience broadened, his fantasies had not. So as he moved his hand, slick warm water over his hard cock, he still imagined Chuck gasping his name into his ear. 

*~*

There are some phrases in the English language that you don't need to hear in order to understand. Grant had never learned to read lips, it had never occurred to him to try. Even with this knowledge, something in Grant just knew what Molly had snapped at her brother across the table, her eyes looking wetter. It was impossible to hear what she said over the live music of the restaurant, but Grant would swear under oath he knew exactly what she had said.

“Stop being such a fucking asshole.” 

And just like that she was grabbing her purse off the back of her chair and was making her way to the exit.

Grant could tell that there was something off about Molly when they had met in the lobby to go to dinner. Molly had been subdued, and quiet. Tab had asked, and when Molly hadn’t been forthcoming, Annabelle had said she’d just gotten too much sun. Grant had doubted that if only because Annabelle had suggested it. She was almost certainly wrong.

As the evening wore on it was clear to see that the problem was Bryce. Grant wasn’t even remotely surprised. In so many ways, their relationship mirrored Tab and Anna’s. Most notably that Bryce seemed set on teasing his sister whenever a pretty girl was within earshot. Why he thought this would attract members of the opposite sex, Grant did not understand, but that failing seemed to be genetic. He didn’t know what it was that finally made the normally quiet and polite snap, but he was nearly positive that whatever it was, Bryce almost certainly deserved it.

After Molly had made her climatic exit, all eyes turned to her mother because really, wasn’t it her job to chase after her children into the night? She wasn’t moving fast enough for Tab’s taste because he got out of his chair.

At that moment the music cut out, so everyone could hear Tab when he said, “A plus job on the parenting, sis. Truly.”

Grant followed him because what else was he going to do? When they got clear of the restaurant, it was easy to spot the lone figure walking back to their hotel in a bright red sundress.

“Molly, wait,” Tab called.

Grant watched Molly’s retreating form hesitate for a moment before she continued walking.

“Come on, Molly. I’m not going to make you go back,” Tab tried.

This time she did stop, letting Tab and Grant catch up to her. When they got closer, it was clear that she was crying.

“Oh honey, come here,” Tab said, pulling her into hug.

“He’s such an asshole,” she sniffed.

“We’re all pretty much assholes at his age,” Tab said.

“It’s all because of those stupid girls,” Molly said, pulling back and wiping at her eyes.

“He’ll grow out of that,” Grant said.

“Girls?” Molly asked like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“No, being an asshole to try and impress them,” Tab corrected. “Give him year and he’ll be giving this super sweet act and you’ll miss these days.”

“Is there ever going to be a point when he leaves me the fuck alone?” Molly asked.

Tab shrugged. “Want to go get some ice cream?”

“Ice cream? I’m not seven anymore, Uncle Floyd, you can’t fix everything by offering me ice cream.” But the smile on her face clearly said that she loved him for trying anyway.

“But it’s not probably going to make it any worse, right?” It had been Tab’s go-to tactic since the kids were small. When the situation was upsetting, spoil them. Offer them ice cream, buy them a small toy, pull a piece of candy out of his pocket. The Talbert household was often upsetting and Grant always thought if the kids knew that there was someone that gave a shit, maybe they wouldn’t end up turning to booze.

“Fine,” Molly said in a long suffering tone that didn’t reach her eyes. “But I’m not holding your hand to cross the street.”

“They grow up so fast, Chuck,” Tab said as he wiped away fake tears.

As they passed the hotel, he realized that going for ice cream had the added benefit of ensuring that the rest of the family would get back to the hotel before they did. Giving Molly a real shot at an empty hotel room when she got back since the rest of the family would already be gone on their separate ways for the evening.

After entrusting Tab with their orders, Grant and Molly went to save the patio chairs.

“So,” Grant said, trying to find a way to broach the topic delicately so Molly wouldn’t clam up. “Is it just your brother is being an asshole this year or is it something else? Because you’ve been a little, I don’t know, muted this year?”

Molly’s teeth raked over her bottom lip.

“And your mom’s critical, so there’s that, but you know if it was something else or even just those things, you could talk to us,” Grant finished, relieved that she at least hadn’t bolted. “Tab and I do know a thing or two about overbearing mothers. Admittedly not much about being a high school girl, but we’re good listeners.”

She smiled but it was faint and sad. It didn’t come anywhere near her eyes. “It’s just hard to tune her out sometimes.”

Grant nodded. “That doesn’t get any easier, I could tell you that you shouldn’t care about what she thinks or what anyone thinks. While that’s true, it’s just hard to follow that advice when it’s your mom. It always stings a little more when she starts repeating what you are already hearing.”

She nodded. “And she just won’t let up on going with someone to the damn formal. Why can’t I just go with my friends? Why do I have to…” She trailed off then blew a bit of hair out of her eyes. She turned to look at him. “My uncle told me that you were ace, I think he thought…” she trailed off again and looked at her hands. “I think I...”

Grant put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed. There would come a moment when it would be important for her to say it out loud, to take ownership of what she needed. After the night she had, sitting in front of an ice cream parlor wasn’t one of them.

“Go with your friends,” Grant said, “You’re right, you’ll have more fun. Trying to figure out where someone fits into this is hard. Especially if you haven’t quite figured out you yet.”

“When did you?” She asked.

“When I met Tab,” Grant answered. “I had a huge crush on your uncle in high school and I figured if I still didn’t want a sexual relationship with him, I could probably rule out demi.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to tell my mom,” Molly said.

“You don’t have too,” Grant said. “Nowhere is it written that you have to tell your parents everything. Out of all the things that should belong to you alone, shouldn’t your sex life be one of them?”

“She’d never understand,” Molly shook her head. Grant wanted to tell her she was wrong, but tonight wasn’t the time to start lying to her.

“It’s difficult concept to grasp,” Grant conceded. And as he turned to look at her, he caught sight of Tab walking towards them and felt grateful that he had found someone who had.

*~*

“I can’t fuckin’ believe it’s our last day,” Tab said, crunching an ice cube between his teeth.

“You shouldn’t do that,” Chuck said, pulling his Dodgers hat off and pushing his hair off his face. “It’s bad for your teeth.”

Tab picked up an ice cube from the cooler and tossed it in Chuck direction, but since he was sun warmed and lazy, he missed Chuck’s leg by a considerable distance.  
Chuck shook his head and tossed his hat onto the beach chair beside Tab. “You are too lazy to be believed.”

“What? It’s my vacation, I’m allowed,” Tab said before putting another ice cube in his mouth.

Chuck gave him a fond smile. “Slide over,” he said, motioning the direction with his out-stretched water bottle.

“There is a perfectly good beach chair right there,” Tab said, gesturing to the green lounge chair next to his.

“I can see that but you’re going to have to get used to the fact that since you are my boyfriend, I am going to lie on you.” Chuck smiled, but Tab tell he was nervous like there was still a chance that Tab was going to banish him to the other lounge chair.

“Oh is that how it is?” Tab asked as he pushed his sunglasses up onto his forehead before sliding over to make room for Chuck.

“Yeah, I’m a little bit of a leach that way.” Chuck said as he maneuvered himself into the space Tab provided, his head ending up pillowed against Tab’s t-shirt colored peck. Tab remembered that being true from the days when they used to drink together. Chuck would always end up leaning against him. It wasn’t anything that would have suggested an attraction. At the time it always just seemed like Chuck had trouble holding himself upright. He would lean heavy against Tab’s side, a solid presence when the room started to move disturbingly.

One memorable evening they had ended up on the beach. Tab sitting cross legged, hands braced behind him looking up at the stars. Chuck had staggered over to him and plopped onto the sand next to him. Tab could see that the sudden movement made Chuck dizzy. He’d ended up laying down on Tab’s leg, complaining that the beach was moving. Tab had tried to say something consoling, but he doesn’t remember what it was. He remembered the feel of Chuck’s hair, soft beneath his fingers as he combed them through it, fingers brushing against Chuck’s scalp. 

When they had been younger, Chuck’s head would inevitably end up on Tab’s shoulder. Sometimes he would just rest there in complete silence, other times they would have whole murmured conversations, words accented with heavy slurs. In the context of the moment, it had never occurred to Tab to think of it as anything other than closeness shared by two best friends. It’s only in hindsight that it seemed strange.

“Are you going to fall asleep on me?” Tab asked, trying to sound annoyed when he said it, but he didn’t really mean it.

“I might,” Chuck said, not bothering to open his eyes. He knew all Tab’s tricks by now. He knew that when Tab asked for space, that wasn’t always what he wanted. Sometimes it was the last thing that he wanted.

He’d gotten good at that, while he was drinking. Lying to himself. Lying to himself and pushing people away. Keeping people an arm’s length away so they didn’t figure out how damaged he was underneath. He’d mastered the art of a surface relationship. If anyone ever managed to see past the carefully constructed façade, then Tab was sure to make the friendship so unpleasant for them that they bolted for the nearest exit. Chuck stuck around. No matter how many times Tab tried his best to fuck it up, Chuck held his ground.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” he used to say. So Tab would try harder, but it never seemed to matter. No matter what happened.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Like it was a promise that Chuck was hell bent on keeping.

Tab always ended up apologizing, Chuck was the only person that Tab could spare an “I’m sorry” for when alcohol was clouding better judgement. When he reached that point in rehab, the contact all the people who you’ve wronged, Chuck was at the top of the list. Chuck was his first phone call. Standing there at the payphone, withdrawal still making him shake slightly, he’d called Chuck first. He hadn’t interrupted, he’d just let Tab spin out his apology that still felt lacking to Tab’s ears. Of course Chuck accepted it even though there was a nagging voice in the back of Tab’s head that said he might not. Or that he shouldn’t.

“Just worry about getting better,” Chuck had said. “And I’ll pick you up when you are ready to come home.”

“I’ll pick you up when you’re ready.”

It became Chuck’s new promise. It meant a lot to Tab. No matter how many bridges he’d burned, he’d always have the one that lead back to Chuck. It was scorched, but it would get him from point A to point B.

Tab reached his hand up Chuck’s hair, pushing it off his forehead and combing his fingers through it just like he did on that beach all those years ago.   
“That feels good,” Chuck murmured, lips moving against the thin cotton of Tab’s t-shirt.

“Good to know,” Tab replied, as he continued the motion.

It had all seemed perfectly normal in that moment. Just the closeness that belonged to best friends. Looking back on it now, it was so clearly something more.


	9. Chapter Nine

“Thank merciful God,” Tab said as he fell into his bed.

Grant couldn’t help but smile at him even if he was being a little melodramatic. The flight from Charlotte hadn’t been that long and he’d slept on Grant’s shoulder most of the way.

“I can sense your judgment even if I can’t see it,” Tab said, not moving from his place on the bed.

Grant laughed. “I’m going to go start the laundry, so you know where to find me when this situation with your bed is over.”

Grant worked his backpack off his shoulders and sat it leaning against Tab’s doorframe. Tab didn’t move and so Grant headed to their laundry room. He was just starting to get into a rhythm of sorting his clothes into piles when Tab’s voice brought him up short.

“How are we doing this now?” The question was causal. So was the delivery. Tab had almost sounded bored or indifferent when asking it. Even Tab’s posture, leaning up against the doorframe with his arms folded across his chest, would seem casual to the outside observer. Grant was not the outside observer, and Tab wasn’t looking at him and his fingers were fighting with the fabric of his t-shirt.

“How are we doing what now?” Grant then returned his attention to his dirty clothes. If Tab wanted or needed not to make a big deal out of whatever this was, then Grant was just going to follow his lead.

“Are you going to start sleeping in your room or…” Tab let the question trail off, almost like he couldn’t quite bring himself to finish asking it.

Grant made up his mind at that moment to be decisive because fighting off Tab’s insecurity should probably be priority number one since they were boyfriends.   
Especially since it had always been when they were friends. “Well, it has its advantages since we wouldn’t have to listen to our neighbors fuck every night.”

Keep it simple, make sure Tab understood this didn’t have to be a big deal, even if Grant was having an internal crisis.

When Tab didn’t say anything, Grant looked up again and saw the relief on Tab’s face just before he regained control once more. “That’s a solid plan. I’ll get my stuff to sort in with yours.”

There were a million questions that Grant wanted to ask at that moment. Are we telling people about this? Are you sure you’re ok with sex not being priority of mine? Is it too early in your recovery for a relationship? Are you going to be weird if I start calling you my boyfriend? Are we getting a one bedroom when our lease is up?  
His mind was literally racing with questions. All questions that addressed a future that they would both be a part of. And none of them could be answer on his own.  
But he knew he was alone in that because the first thing Tab said when he returned with his suitcase was, “You know at some point we should probably get our act together and run to the grocery store. Not that I want to cook tonight, but it might be nice to be able to do that during the week.”

And there was the marked difference in their thinking. Tab’s was short term, where are we going to sleep, what are we going to eat? And rehab had reinforced that way of thinking, to take one day at a time. Nothing sudden, don’t commit too much too soon. It might explain why he’d always been shit at romantic relationships.  
Grant’s, on the other hand, was all long term. Where are we going to live, how are we going to last? He knew that maybe he was planning a future that Tab wasn’t ready for. But the truth of it was Tab had been in his life since he was sixteen, if they hadn’t fucked it up by now, surely they wouldn’t. And maybe that’s why he had so much trouble finding a guy, no one wants their life planned out for them on their first date.

If left to their own devices, they’d never last on their own. Grant probably would end up eating take out for a week and Tab would be over paying on a two bedroom they weren’t using for years. But together, they found a balance. The presence of the other one was enough to remind them that there was a little more to life.  
Not that Grant expected Tab to bring up a change in living arrangements anytime soon. Grant would still have to do that. In the spring though, when their lease was coming due, at the more appropriate time. Not everything had to be decided right then while they were surrounded by dirty clothes.

“You chewing on something over there?” Tab asked, because of course he would know. He always seemed to know when Grant had crawled too far into his own head to see daylight anymore.

Grant shook his head as if clearing it took physical effort. “No, I’m good.”

Tab cocked his head to the side as if trying to determine if he believed Grant or not. “Are you sure there isn’t something you want to share with the class?”

Grant smiled. “No, I’m good.” And for the first time in a long time, Grant actually meant it. He wasn’t just saying it so Tab would stop asking and he didn’t feel the need to follow it up with a but. For the first time in a long time, he was just good.

“Ok,” Tab said as he hauled himself up off the floor. “I’m going to change and then we can go get food.” Before he left the room, he leaned over and gave Grant a soft kiss on the cheek.

Grant stood there for a while after, surrounded by dirty clothes, wondering how long it would be before those kind of kisses stopped giving him butterflies.  
He hoped they never would.


	10. Chapter Ten

“Floyd Talbert.”

“Kitty Welsh.”

Kitty held out her arms to signal she was waiting for a hug, they were never optional with Kitty. She’d chase you if you resisted. Tab let her win more often than not, by giving her a hug and lifting her off the ground a bit when he did so.

“You too Chuck,” she said firmly, once again no room for argument.

“There’s less of you then the last time I saw you,” Chuck commented as he hugged her.

She smiled. “Well, that’s not saying much. I had my own gravitational pull at Christmas.”

“Where is the little guy?” Tab asked, looking around.

“I left him with the boys at the gate,” Kitty replied.

“You may live to regret that,” Chuck said.

“Yes, lord knows what they are teaching him. He’ll probably be smoking and swearing by the time we get there,” Kitty replied. Her tone was meant to express the gravity of the situation, but her eyes were dancing with laughter.

“Well that’s what you get for letting Ron be the godfather,” Tab said as they walked.

“My sister’s hardly any better,” Kitty said. “Between the two of them, I’m just grateful Kevin’s first word wasn’t fuck or bullshit.”

Tab laughed. “But consider for a moment if it had been.”

Kitty smiled, but gave him a good natured shove all the same. When they got to the gate, Lip was sitting in a chair, clicking away at something on his phone. Ron’s head was resting on his leg, laying down so he took up two chairs next to him. He was reading a book, most likely about the Roman Empire. Harry, meanwhile, was standing at the big windows, holding his son in his arms and pointing out at the runway.

“I found them,” Kitty said.

“Congratulations,” Ron said, not looking up from his book. “You know they’re big boys now Kitty, they might have found us all on their own.”

She half heartedly slapped his knee with the back of her hand. Ron jokingly rubbed his leg.

“Hey Lip,” Chuck asked, depositing his backpack in the chair next to Lip.

“Hey boy,” he replied, glancing up from his phone.

“Our flight on time?” Tab asked no one in particular, rearranging the straps of his backpack on his shoulders.

“Sure is,” Lip replied. He might have meant to say something else, but Harry’s arrival stopped him.

“Hey little guy,” Tab said, giving his full attention to the baby in Harry’s arms.

“Can you say hi to Uncle Tab and Uncle Chuck?” Harry asked, giving his son a little bounce, knowing full well that he probably couldn’t but it was always worth a try.

“Yeah dude, can you say Tab?” Tab asked, taking Kevin’s fist between his fingers.

Kevin made an amused gurgling noise.

“Oh well, we’ll work on it. It’s a long week,” Tab said, giving Kevin’s first a little shake.

Chuck tried and failed to smother laughter over his shoulder. Tab narrowed his eyes at him in mock offence. This just made Chuck laugh harder.

“Some boyfriend you are,” Tab muttered.

“Come on, if it’s going to be any of us, it’s going to be Lip first.” Chuck patted Tab’s shoulder.

Kevin’s head turned towards Lip as if he knew who that was even if he couldn’t quite get it out yet. Lip made a face at him and Kevin giggled.

“Yep, that’s Lip,” Harry said, giving Kevin another little bounce. “Can you say Lip?”

Kevin turned to look at Harry. “Dadda.”

“That’s me, I’m dadda,” Harry said, rubbing his nose against Kevin’s.

“This time last month, everything was dadda, even the cat,” Kitty said. Tab could see Kitty was still smarting from Dadda coming first. Harry had said she cried the first time Kevin looked at her and called her dadda.

“Who’s that,” Harry asked, pointing to Kitty.

Kevin’s head turned and when he saw his mother, he made grabby hands for her. “Mama.”

“Yes, I am,” she said, reaching for Kevin. She took him from Harry, lifting him above her head. Kevin waved his hands as she lowered him down so their foreheads were touching. “That’s right. I’m mama.”

Kevin giggled, hands touching Kitty’s cheeks.

“He’s so cute,” Tab said, not really meaning to say it out loud.

“Think you’ll be up for one of those?” Harry said, gesturing to Kitty and Kevin.

Tab laughed. “Yeah, I’m still trying keep the plant alive.”

“Oh fuck the plant,” Harry replied. “That’s hardly a test.”

“Harry,” Kitty hissed, one hand over Kevin’s ear to press the other against her shoulder.

Ron failed to cover his laughter so Kitty turned her glare on him too.

“Don’t worry. The whole flight down here, they were telling us it was our turn,” Lip said, tapping Tab’s leg.

“Childbirth is so great now,” Chuck said, rolling his eyes. “They think we forgot all about the sleep they didn’t get for those first months.”

“And how they needed a sitter to run down to the mailbox,” Ron added.

“Oh, make all the fun you want,” Kitty said, nuzzling her nose against Kevin’s. “It’s all worth it in the end, even the stretch marks. It’s all worth it when they call you mom.”

Tab watched her bounce Kevin a little bit, but he could tell the day of travel was starting to catch up with the little guy.

“Speaking of mothers, won’t yours be disappointed you aren’t traveling with them?” Kitty asked.

“I doubt it,” Tab said. “I doubt she’ll even notice.”

“Well, you did tell her you were going to be sticking with the family this year, so she might notice that didn’t mean her at some point.” Grant said.

Tab shrugged, sure she might. Wouldn’t matter if she did, he’d meant what he said. This year he was sticking with his family. The family he made, the family he chose, and maybe they’d have to kidnap Molly at some point, but that hardly mattered now that she was eighteen. The rest of them though, they were maybe better left alone. They hadn’t wanted to be there when Tab had been a mess, it was hardly fair that they get to enjoy the good parts.

No, the good parts, he thought as his fingers slid over his year chip in his pocket, were just for the people who struggled through the bad. 

Before he could wallow too much in the self pity, Chuck wrapped his arm around Tab, sliding his hand into the pocket of Tab’s jeans. Tab smiled at him, bumping his shoulder into Chuck’s. Chuck had been there for him and as long as that was the case, Tab knew he’d be ok.


End file.
